Boundaries for Your Soul - Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller

This book is a life changer, one of the best books I have ever read. Many are acquainted with boundaries--the establishment and keeping of a border where others end and you begin. This new book addresses how to establish those borders within oneself. It is a very practical tool to apply Internal Family Systems by Richard Schwartz (recommended by Bessel van der Kolk in The Body Keeps the Score) in a way where Christians access the power of Christ in addressing the parts of themselves that had been wounded or damaged. At the center is the “Spirit-led self”, or “your self led by the Spirit of God,”, from which “you can be attuned to your troubling thoughts and emotions and give them the care they need. The Spirit-led self is not a part; rather, it is the core of who you are. Its role is to lead the parts of your soul like a symphony conductor so that they can work harmoniously." A wounded person is comprised of Managers, who are protectors who “drive you to perform, produce, protect, and please”; Firefighters, who “try to extinguish pain after it occurs”; and Exiles, which are “the distressed parts . . . voiceless and long neglected [which] have great need, and they’ve often yielded their power,” signaled by “shame, fear, insecurity, hurt, a feeling of worthlessness, a sense of being marginalized, a sense of being unseen, unappreciated, or overlooked; loneliness; sadness.” The “Five Steps” involved in helping Managers and Firefighters relax and Exiles come forward are Focus, Befriend, Invite, Unburden, and Integrate. The approach is easily learned, makes intuitive sense, and it works. This excellent work is well written, easy to understand, easy to apply and written for the layperson. Most chapters begin with a quote and a Bible verse which seems presented through a new lens. For example, for the first chapter, Why Boundaries for Your Soul, which gently begins explaining the necessity for internal boundaries, Romans 7:15 is quoted: “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate." I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Even if you are, ahem, perfectly mature emotionally and spiritually, you will want to read this to help and understand others. If, on the other hand, you are like the vast majority and sometimes have something falling out of the emotional box, this book can help you figure out why and how to help yourself get to the root of it. It is a book like no other I have ever seen. It is already changing my life, and I would venture to bet it will change yours. I received this book for free in exchange for my unbiased review through the Thomas Nelson BookSneeze Program.